Dating dilemma
22-07-2010
'BRITISH is best, forget all the rest' - that is the message from the soaring number of British Asian women being snubbed for brides from south Asia.
More British Asian guys are choosing to marry girls from India or Pakistan, according to matchmakers.
They are rejecting girls from Britain as they think marrying a south Asian will meet their parents' high standards and match their hopes of starting a family.
The result is a surplus of British Asian girls in their thirties on the shelf - unable to find a husband.
An Islamic scholar in Glasgow recently called on Muslims to find a bride in Britain rather than in south Asia. Shaykh Amer Jamil, who runs a counselling service called Unity Family Services, said the surplus of British Muslim girls is at a "critical level”.
EE went to investigate by attended a dating party at the Gherkin Tower in London last Saturday (17).
The event involved guys being given a key and girls handed a padlock.
The onus was on the guy to strike up a conversation, see if their key fitted into the padlock - and maybe get the girl's phone number.
One girl on the prowl was Alpana, 33, who is under mounting pressure to find a husband.
The marketing assistant told Eastern Eye: "It has been so frustrating, I'm close to giving up. With my age and busy lifestyle I'm already at a disadvantage, but so many guys prefer to go abroad and find a 'house wife'.
"They don't look at factors like compatibility, you're more likely to get on with someone who has been raised here, but is in touch with their desi roots. Also a girl from abroad may just be interested in getting a British passport.
"British is best, forget the rest. But I think Asian guys are intimidated by girls who are independent and have their own careers."
Alpana's strong views were backed up by Fozia, who has been looking for Mr Right for the past four years.
The 31-year-old from Ilford said: "Guys still have this image in their head of a wife who is in the kitchen all day, then brings up the kids, and gets ordered around.
"Because they have had their Mum doing everything for them, they expect their wife to take over that role. Fat chance, times have changed and a lot of guys don't want to seize that power."
Unsurprisingly, the guys at the Padlock Party rubbished claims they are looking for a housewife.
Sarjit, 28, said: "If the girl wants to have her own career, social life, that's fine. We are under no illusion that gender roles have changed since our parents' generation.
"I think a lot of Asian girls have lost touch with their identity and try to act like 'ladettes' with heavy drinking, acting loud and brash - a big turn off. That's why more guys are looking abroad"
The Padlock party was organised by Asian D8, a leading dating website.
Vikram Kakaria, marketing executive for Asian D8, said other reasons for the surplus of British Asian women was some are more career-minded with less time to find a partner.
He added: "The majority of these women will be professionals aged between 25 and 36 from all backgrounds in London, Birmingham, Coventry, Leeds, Manchester and Leicester.
"We are providing more choices for the busy Asian female to meet Asian males in the UK through speed dating, padlock parties, mingling events, and we
have developed an iPhone application to make it easier for busy professionals to meet people.
"We achieve an even male to female ratio at our singles events in general. By providing both males and females in the UK with more choices to meet their partners it reduces the prospect of men looking to the sub continent for marriage so quickly."
The statistics back up the trend of British Asian men looking to the Indian sub-continent for a partner. Home Office figures show 12,700 husbands or fiances were admitted to Britain in 2008, a 16 per cent reduction from 2007. In comparison, 24,100 wives or fiances entered Britain in 2008 with a high proportion of these partners from south Asia.
Another website helping Asians to find love in Britain is SingleMuslim.com, which celebrates its tenth anniversary next month.
A spokesman for the site said the reason for the surplus of British Asian women is they are trying different ways to search for a partner.
He added: "Traditionally, marriage was a private family affair, with introductions and matchmaking kept within a close network. Nowadays, more young British Asian women are taking it upon themselves to look for their ideal marriage partner.
"When the site launched in August 2000 the ratio of male to female registrations was 6:1. We put considerable effort into attracting females to the site, including offering free full membership to all females
"According to SingleMuslim.com's most recent figures, the ratio is now 2:1.
"We think that these figures demonstrate that now, more than ever, British Asian women are more empowered and they are independently minded enough to break any previous stigma about them searching for their own marriage partner and using the internet to do so."
For more information on dating events, visit www.asiand8online.com
